Akatsuki High
by KillerMay
Summary: "/You just cut me off, you S-O-B/ I did cut you-/HOW DOES IT FEEL?/ I hate you, Zetsu! /Yeah, well I hate you too, Zetsu!/"


**I honestly have no idea what this is, it came to me randomly...**

**Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.**

At Akatsuki High, everything was done a little...differently. In other words, the teacher's were all (in the simplest term) freaks. They had two art teachers (one for sculpting, the other for painting and such) who were always arguing. You could be taking a test on some random artist no one cares about, and the other teacher (well, only one of them would do this) would walk in, say something strange like..."art is a bang" and then, if the other didn't reply quick enough, just walk out...

They had a biology class taught by a fish, an economics class taught by a rag doll, a religion class taught by the most school inappropriate person on earth, and-everyone's favorite-an environmental class taught by a schizophrenic plant.

Long story short? Refer to the first sentence.

* * *

"Okay, un...when does it explode?" Deidara asked the student, who just gave him a blank stare.

"I'm sorry...what?" The ultimately bored looking boy asked.

"You know, explode! Art is a bang, after all."

"Uh...it's just clay...I don't think it's supposed to explode...that would be a bit...troublesome," The boy replied, staring in...was that fear?...at his teacher.

"Troublesome?" Deidara asked, about to go into full-blown rant mode, waving around his hands-which had tattoos of mouths on them. "It's art! An explosion is fleeting, you only get one chance to see it, then in a flash it's gone! Having clay explode would be much-" Hear he raised his voice, probably so the class room next to him could hear. "-better than something that will be there forever! You'd get pretty tired of seeing the same WORN OUT, OLD, TEN MINUTES AGO, piece of crap, wouldn't you?"

"...But...If it was a piece of crap to begin with, how would it be beautiful by exploding?"

"You're getting rid of the ugly, right?" And with that, the blonde haired teacher walked away from the student and on to help another.

The poor student sighed. "What a drag..."

* * *

God. Just shut up already. Sasori, in the room next to Deidara's, thought. If the blue-eyed androgynous man didn't come bursting into his class room, he'd yell through his walls. It really sucked to have you current mortal enemy in the room next door.

While Sasori wasn't really the type of person to be mortal enemies with someone, he couldn't help but ever so strongly dislike Deidara. Then again, the only person that really liked Deidara was that idiotic principal Madara.

"Excuse me, Sensei," A student said. The red head glanced up to see a black haired student looking at him.

"Yes?" He asked, annoyed at the fact that he was disturbed. He was making a puppet, it had been a hobby of his since he was young.

"How is this?" The student showed Sasori his painting. It was simple, a tiger, nothing more. But, even Sasori had to admit-it was reletivly good. For a student anyway.

"That's very good, the next project is one the board." He motioned toward it. The student-who should seriously get dress code with his shirt being mid drift and all-walked back to his seat, and Sasori returned to his puppet. God, I can't wait for my break...

* * *

"And so I conclude, the government really just wants to steal your life savings." Kakuzu explained. Not that he really needed to, if the students weren't asleep, they weren't paying attention.

Oh. Wait. What was this? A pink haired girl was sitting in the back. Raising her hand. In an economics class.

"Yes?" Kakuzu asked, calling on her.

"If the government's trying to steal our money, then why are there things like social security and insurance?"

"So they don't feel bad about taking all of your money when you die."

The girl was about to say something else when a blonde haired boy raised his hand, and without waiting to be called on, asked to go to the bathroom. Kakuzu gave him a small glare but waved him off. Okay, now the entire class-save the one with pink hair-was asleep.

"Eh, screw it. The rest of the class is free period." That woke them up.

* * *

"Pain is equal to pleasure," Hidan explained, being a religion teacher, he had to teach religion. And this week, it was Jashinism. Those poor, poor students. "You have to sacrifice some of your own blood to Lord Jashin each day as proof that you're dedicated to him." The students eyes were wide. "Jashinist's must bring nothing less than utter destruction and death. The symbol of Jashin is a circle with an upside down triangle in it." He held up his own pendant. "Any questions?"

A girl in the back slowly raised up her hand. Hidan nodded at her, meaning she could talk.

"Does that mean Jashinist's are...murderers?" She asked. The other student's eyes got a little more wide, some turned around to face the naturally shy girl in the back. Her lavender eyes almost instantly filled with regret at asking the question.

"No, we're not murderers," He answered, many of the student's mentally sighed. "We're praying to our God and offering sacrifice-just because they happen to be human, doesn't mean we're murderers, we're just doing our duty as Jashin's followers." And many of the student's tensed up. Oh, and the girl that asked the question-yeah, she fainted.

* * *

"Remember," Kisame said to the class. "Fish are our friends."

"Really, you're our friend?" A black haired boy in the back said. "That's nice to know." Kisame sent a glare his way, but the student seemed completely unfazed.

"Yes, and so are chickens backsides. Nice to know your hair is our friend."

"I can report you for saying that." The student replied.

"You know, they honestly don't care. Hidan's probably wanted for murder but he teaches kids religion...Ah, irony..." He muttered that last part.

Another student spoke up "Why would he be wanted for murder?"

"You'll figure that out when you get to religion, but this is biology. And right now, we're going to dissect a frog!"

"...What happened to animal's being our friends?"

"Sometimes friends...er...move on. It's a fact of life. Sorry kids." He then grabbed some trays and passed them out before grabbing some frogs.

"So...we cut here first..."

* * *

"No. Two plus three is five," Itachi said. They were working a very simple math problem, and they couldn't even figure it out. Of course, the Uchiha had to be blessed with natural intelligence, making him "perfect" for the crappy job of math teacher that no one wanted to do.

Unfortunately, with him having natural intelligence, these student's-that weren't so blessed-were making him very frustrated.

"But I thought four plus one was five." Multiple torture methods ran through the Uchiha's mind.

"You can add several different numbers to get five, how do you not know this? This is high school, isn't it?"

"Can you add anything to eight to get five?" He couldn't tell if the boy was testing his patience or if he was just stupid. Itachi sighed and rubbed his temples to fight off a headache.

"Negative three."

"What's so negative about three?" Itachi began mumbled sayings of stabbing people for seventy-two hours.

* * *

"I like plants. **What?** I like plants. **Why are you just randomly bringing this up? **...Because I like plants. You don't always need a reason to say something. Besides, we're surrounded by plants. It's not just completely random. **Yes, it is, we're supposed to be teaching a class. **Then let's teach a class Mr. Bossy!"

The students in the room did nothing but stare.

"**Thank you, okay, the environment **is very important! **Did you just cut me off? **This is why I hate sharing a body with you. **You just cut me off, you S-O-B.**"

"Oooooh," The class said, like they always do when someone gets insulted or detention.

It was probably a natural reflex.

"I did cut you-**HOW DOES IT FEEL? **I hate you, Zetsu! **Yeah, well I hate you too, Zetsu!**"

* * *

"Okay, everyone~! Take out a piece of paper and a pencil!" The sub said. She was actually the detention teacher, but everyone that had detention that day was going to have to either serve out of school or the next day. Today, she was teaching english!

She actually didn't like English, she just had a weird obsession paper-she had a paper flower in her hair-and enjoyed the sounds of the students getting it out.

Some call it unhealthy, some call it a fetish, some call it just plain weird.

Once all the students had out there paper, she told them to write. They could write whatever they wanted, and it wouldn't be graded, but still had to be turned in at the end of class.

She once had an english teacher that wrote a porn book. Nice man, really. So, she deemed it best to let the children have freedom in what they wanted to write, to let there imagination free.

While she folded origami.

* * *

"You can run faster than that! No pain, no gain!" The P.E. teacher yelled at one of the students. The kid he was yelling at was actually the fastest one there, but he was just so...bleh, in his opinion. Bowl cut, thick eyebrows, just...no. Nagato-or Pein as he liked to be called-ran a hand through his bright orange hair. "FASTER!"

He was slightly confused about why he was hired as a gym coach-scratch that, why he was hired at all.

He had piercings. A lot of them. One of the school rules was even 'no facial piercings'. He had six nose piercings and snake bites. He could understand getting a job that was in the mall or something, but at a school?

In some of the student he injected fear into their everyday lives, in others-well, they just thought he was cool.

The boy from earlier came panting, just finishing his fourth lap. They were only required to do two...

"How (pant) was (pant) that?" Pant.

"You're breathing heavy, so not good enough." Pein glared at him, and then the boy passed out.

* * *

Somewhere on the other side of town, a man with a disturbingly long tongue sat at home in his apartment.

"How dare that school fire me..." He hissed. "KABUTO!"

"Yes, Orochi-sama?"

"Get me some tea."

* * *

Back in the school, in the Principal's office, Madara Uchiha was wearing a bright orange, swirly mask, and playing with My Little Ponies.

**Random ending! I always like to think Madara and Tobi are one in the same, mask or no mask. Well, that was pointless. I hope you enjoyed it, nonetheless.**

R&R? :)


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